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Monday, October 20, 2014

It's Kind of Long Story so I Just Put This on the Journal Label.

I just realized that every time I feel sad, I usually just read people's blogs because reading someone's life can make me happy at some point. It can be happy or sad stories, I still like to read them. And then if I feel like it, I will blog something too. Maybe this blog is already become the cure of my sadness. :D

Btw, I just heard of these Okinawan phrase "Nankurunaisa" and it means that "every thing will be alright at the end." I think the phrase is kind of unique.. heheheh. I also like the phrase of "Hakuna Matata" which means "no worries for the rest of the day." Gosh I miss watching Lion King so much, I think Lion King has a lot of good moral messages in it.

Speaking of Okinawan language above, it reminds me of Japanese. I used to love Japanese cultures. I love their languages, their movies, their actors and actress, some of the music, and some of the boyband. In my elementary years, I used to watch a lot of Japanese dramas and movies until I picked up some of the basic Japanese language. One time, I watched this tv series for the third time without english subtitle and I still knew what they were saying. I think it's true that kids tend to pick up foreign languages quickly than adults do.

In 6th grade, I joined this online forum that talked about Japanese movies and such. From that forum, I knew a lot of people that are way above my age. I actually became a friend to a high school student at that time. Maybe this is one of the reasons why I love talking to adults, they just have more good things to say, you know? :D 
Then I was familiar with joining forum, browsing and downloading movies and music, uploading medias, chatting by using MSN and Yahoo Messenger because they were cool back then, and other stuff that a sixth grader would not normally do. Because sixth grader back then was probably just familiar with friendster and listen to "cool" music so they will be "cool" like every one. 
Friendster is super lame btw, I'm so glad I never made it even though someone made a fake friendster account of me in my 7th grade which would be another story in another time. Why in the world I have so many dramas in my elementary and middle school years? :))) Anyway, yeah, I was kind of technology savvy back in the day because I was lonely. I knew more things about internet rather than most of regular sixth grader in some ways.  

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So, let me tell you a story about how my elementary school years went.

When I was in my elementary school years, I was actually really lame. I didn't have a lot of friends back then. I was a rebel. Sometimes I just hated the environment because it was full of rich kids who acted they-have-it-all and most of them will be friends with you if you're rich or smart or athletic. And I never was the rich kid or the smart kid, so you get the idea right? Hehehhehe. The only time people "acknowledged" me when in the gym class. I didn't call myself athletic, I think I just knew how to play. People always thought I was a "pretty" girl so most of the people underestimated me. But trust me, if I have the commitment to practice, I can actually play really good.. :p All my friends are just the one who I hung out at school but not outside. The only people I hung out and talked a lot are Maria and Marcia. Other than them and other two close friends [Astri & Echa], there was actually no one to hang out with. I guess it's pretty ironic how people see me as extrovert but yet I spend my time by myself a lot rather than with other people. 

Just to get the idea of how my elementary years was, I got backstabbed [not literally] by a girl who I thought was my good friend. Then, my best friend didn't want to hang out at me at 5th grade because of the bad rumors about me. I was isolated by my classmates in my 5th grade. A lot of people hated me. Maria was the only person who wanted to be friend to me so that was how we got so close. In 4th grade, there was this guy who liked to bully me. He sat next to me. One of the cruel things he did to me was he threw away my science projects that I did really hard and he wouldn't admit it to me that he did it. Because I couldn't handle it anymore, I finally cried to my parents and told them what happened. My dad talked to my teacher to move the seat (because it was already the time anyway) and my teacher actually was a little bit unhappy about my dad going to her so my teacher made fun of me sarcastically by not mentioning my name.

Now I realized, maybe my experiences in 4th and 5th grade were the ones that shaped me into a rebel and a bully in the future. Yes, I was bullied and I was a bully [in my middle school]. Being hurt really hurt me a lot so I somehow decided to hurt someone else [verbally] as a sign of defense. It was pathetic, really. Maybe that's what happened when a kid had to kind of stand up for him/herself because nobody really did stand up for this kid. 

But seeing back in all those years, I was happy that I changed to be better. All those dramas hurt me and shaped me at the same time. In my middle school years, I liked to stand up for my friends even though sometimes in a wrong way. Even though I looked like I didn't care, I actually cared for each of my friends. I would just ask any of my friends, close friends or not, "what's wrong?" and "are you okay?" because I really cared to the people that I met. I know how hard life was sometimes and how we needed someone to be there just to listen.

I guess the moral message of this story for myself was...I shouldn't worry that much when life is getting hard. Especially when I'm going through this lonely times all over again. Yes, I am lonely. I met a lot of new friends but none of them became my close friends yet. Because good things take time. Same thing with friends, good friends take time to get to know to. So Mary and those who actually read my blog be patient and keep your head up. Because somehow for people like me [and us], things take time for us. But they always get better at the end. Always. And you will see it at the end and you will be glad that you went through all this hard time. 

For those of you who actually knew how to get through this lonely and sad times really quick, good for you. :) For those who are like me, slowly but sure, let's keep in mind that this is all just process for the better future.

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