Sunday, December 7, 2014

Here I Am, Opening Up to Public.

God is truly good, you know.. When you ask Him for good things, He will always listen to you. One time, I was crying when I prayed to ask Him to not feel insecure anymore. To gain my confidence. To not feel "I'm not enough" all the time. To not feel that I don't deserve good things. So, months ago I asked Him to help me with this pain of my insecurity...because it was painful. I'm not making this up or overreacting. I cried every night, I even thought "what's the point of me going to college if I don't even know what I'm going to do?", I didn't eat and sleep well because I chose not to, I was just...sad.

My first semester is probably one of the most painful time I'd ever gone through emotionally. I almost gave up and I even talked to a counselor in NKU. Because it just hit that point that I would pay anyone to just listen to me. Because nobody, at that time, wanted to listen. And my counselor, Diana, really helped me.. :') It felt like every time I talked to her, I felt better about myself and my thoughts.

And now, I feel I gain my confidence again. I feel somewhat powerful. I know what I'm going to do with my life and I'm going to get it. I feel I deserve what I should have deserved, not less. So here I am, standing up for myself to someone who didn't treat me right. 
^ and Blair Waldorf couldn't be more right than this ^

If anyone actually wondered why I felt so insecure, sad, and all that such, it was because I felt so lonely... and I'm so glad that I find the reason because now, as Greda said, all I have to do just to work on bettering myself so I can be focus again and to help my surroundings.. :)

I love this feeling. I feel so powerful of myself and I love it.. :)

So I thank you for people who have been there for me: Greda who always listen to my sad ramblings, my dad who just told me that "I know you can do it" when I told him what my dreams are, Diana who actually listened to everything I said, Dan's mom who helped me to stay positive in life, my friends (you know who you are) that I chatted through Line account when I need someone to talk to about "him", people whom I talked to & hung out with in NKU, and mostly to a fictional character who is Blair Waldorf ahahahah.. :D Gosh I'm so inspired by her confidence and her ways to be a powerful woman, I swear. (and Beyonce's songs in her new album too because that girl knows how make girls feel confident instantly)

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