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Monday, December 29, 2014

I Want More Rainbow With Less Rain

2014 will be over in around two days and it has been a roller coaster year for me. The best things that happened in 2014 are I graduated, got into the top 10%, had an amazing last semester of High School, went to Indonesia and had a blast on my two weeks trip with my best friends and family, finally met Dan and got even closer to him, my freshmen year was fully paid by my scholarship, joined APO, met new people, and learned a lot of life lessons. There are more good things that happened in 2014, but those above are the ones I could think of.

The "worst" things that happened in this year is just I had to deal with my emotional breakdown for so many times. My emotions and feelings clouded me a lot. Maybe I just get older and then I have to face harder challenges in order to grow up and be better, you know? But still, when I'm in "it", it's so hard to realize that everything will be okay at the end.

Last night, when Dan called me and asked me "how was work today?", I cried. It was such a relieve that he happened to be there when I was in my emotional breakdown (again). I got into the point where I don't know what's wrong with me anymore because I feel I have so many things that need to be talked about or to be let go. But I don't know how and where to start. Anyway, I decided to let go my second job when college starts so I can focus more on college and in my life. Dan and my mom told me that money is not everything and both of them agreed that it's better for me to quit my second job because it will be to stressful and tiring for me (since the shift always from 1 to 11:30 PM).

Next year, I'm actually hoping I can get a second job in NKU. And I'm hoping to get a scholarship again so I better work on that as soon as possible since the due date is coming to end. Just wish me luck!

I just have to believe that this is all just a phase. And maybe, I will feel better about myself and life by 2015. Maybe, I will be able to control my feelings better. So, here's to believing that rainbow exists after the rain. :)

P.S: It's Dan's birthday tomorrow yeayyy! And I cried again because I couldn't be there while I really wanted to be there and also because I am so lame and maybe he won't like the gift that I want to give him and maybe he doesn't want to spend time with me on his birthday because, again, I'm lame. :(

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