I think it's kind of scary, or not scary actually, but it's kind of surprising when things that I pray everyday starts to come true. I don't doubt that God listens to me. It's just, when the moment finally happens, it feels like, "Does this actually happening to me?"
Everything starts to get better. Like, really, really better. And I'm in shock because I don't expect things to get actually better. I expect things to get better, but at the same time, I don't really expect it. From the past, whenever someone asked me how I was, it's either I answered them back "it's okay" or "haha, still trying..." that continues to "hopefully things get better..."
I found the timing to be funny though. I just found my inner Meredith-Grey-in-Season-12, which is someone who is not pleasant, and feel really comfortable to be one. I stop caring and go with the flow. I do this so I can give myself time to relax and not worry too much..
I think this half-way semester taught me that no matter how bad and unprepared I am, everything is actually going to be okay. I truly meant it when I said this. Everything is actually going to be okay...especially when I have a really great support system. I remember when my friend texted me to give support because he saw my tweet. Or when my friend drove back to campus from her house and then listened to me crying at the first floor of the University Center (crying in public? checked. LOL. At this point, crying in public when you're a college student is very normal). Or when all my friends and family were very patient dealing with me and listening to my stories.
I learned that the great life that I always want is never about my only success, but it's about my community and how we build each other to be stronger and support each other to the fullest.
And dear future Mary, if you ever read this post again and you feel everything is falling apart (again), please remember this: